SUPER OMEGA UBER FANFICTION
by Rising
Summary: I'll bet you've all heard a story like this before. One giant cliche, so many tired plot devices, and one last attempt to laugh inspite of the horrific reality of fanfictions. This is one story to remind us all of the horrible fanfics we've seen
1. lovers entwined, by dusk we die

SUPER OMEGA UBER FANFICTION

By: Rising

"_I'll bet you've heard this one before…"_

Lovers entwined, by dusk we die

By:

thelordofyomomma928

authors note: OMFG, FIRST fanfic…this is really big for me, because ive never writen before and I dont know if its very good. This is like a songfic mixed with a drama/romance/comedy/mystery/horror/kinda sci-fi type thingie. Pleeze give feedback!!!1 feeed me reviews, im like cooky monster only with words!! Lol, roflcopter anyway on with the story!

P.s. i think the title is pretty cool, don't you?

Once upon a time, in a city called Jump…

Robin was humming "Born to Be Wild" to himself as he rearranged his sock drawer. On his bed were piles of unfolded clothes and various undergarments. He was enjoying the song so much that he decided to imagine the lyrics to every line floating before his eyes.

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Robin sighed. How he loved that song. He loved it almost as much as he loved Starfire on Tuesdays. But today was a Wednesday so he loved Raven instead. He did not think this was strange, since; after all, every day was a new day.

He took a moment to gaze out the window overlooking the bay and settled his eyes on the sparkling waves that lapped gently, peacefully, so softly, and gracefully against the rocky island Titans Tower was built upon.

_I wonder what will happen today _Robin thought, before returning to his humming.

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444 authors note: I don't know what else to chang scenes with!!1 im using my favirote number! so there!

'You found a piece of heart!' The game told Cyborg, even though it didn't really tell him anything because it was only text on a screen. Cyborg leapt out of his seat and landed on the floor, denting it, but he hardly noticed.

"Booyah!" He screamed. "That's seven hearts of life now! I own you Twilight Princess!"

"Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!" Beast Boy moaned from behind a pile of overturned couch cushions. "When do I get to play? You've been playing for ten hours straight since you bought the game!"

Raven: "Azar, you two are childish. What are you even holding Cyborg? It looks…inappropriate."

Cyborg: "It's called a Wii. And how on earth is it inappropriate?"

BB: "Yeah, Rae, why?"

Raven shook her head in tired disgust and shook the question off with a flourish of her endlessly dark and beautiful blue cloak that sucked your eyes in and would never let them go for fear that you might not realize how immensely gorgeous the figure underneath was. She was perfectly shapely in manners too unbelievable for human brains to conceive, her curves so incredibly sexy that they would melt the faces of all adolescents who dared to turn one lustful eye her direction.

As she walked out of the room, carrying five books under her arm including: _The Dream Cycle of H.P. Lovecraft, The Best of Edgar Allen Poe, IT by Stephen King, and Mary Shelley's Frankenstein _Raven quietly thought to herself.

_I feel so terribly alone in this world. I know I have so many wonderful friends that many would give an arm and a leg for, but they will never understand me. _

Just then, Robin happened to be passing through the hallway, and bored his masked eyes into Raven's, drinking her in like a vampiric honey bee viewing a human flower. Their gazes met, their eyes locked for thousands upon thousands of instants so that it seemed as though eternity were nothing more than the meeting of two costumed birds in a hallway.

Finally, the moment passed, and both let out deep breaths that they hadn't known they were holding. As they prepared to continue on their separate ways, Robin's leg had an unexpected spasm and Raven tripped over her own feet so that they somehow landed on top of one another. The books went flying down the dim corridor, forgotten, and Raven could only look at Robin.

"Oops—" Robin started to say, but Raven cut him off.

"Oh, Azar…I thought that nobody could ever understand…"

"What do you mean?"

"I was feeling so grim before running into you, and then…it was like you knew what I needed and—"

"And we both tripped?"

"Yes—I mean no, no, well, not exactly like that. I mean, its like this was preordered by the fates. We are destined to be one."

"My, you're being very forward about this. I didn't know I was _that _manly…"

"ENOUGH!" Raven screamed, tearing her leotard off even as she lay pinned beneath Robin in the hallway. "I want love you."

"I already love you." Robin replied, flexing his muscles so that his own clothes exploded off of him. "Now brace yourself…"

_EEEEEP!_

_EEEEEP!_

_EEEEEP!_

Suddenly, the hallway was flooded with red light as the Tower alarm went off overhead.

"Ugh, there's a crime in progress." Raven lamented.

"No worries, we'll just finish this later." Robin assured her.

He helped her gather up her shredded clothes as they both ran to their separate rooms to obtain fresh linens.

444

Downtown…

"Blasted cruzz munchin, puss retchin, pea shootin, buzz cods, I've never seen this many fartknockin, honey totin, lunk buckets in a bank at once!" Gizmo shrieked, as he used his spider-walker legs to pace from one end of the bank to the other. Outside, the Jump City Police Department had already gathered a legion of seventy armored officers to prevent the criminals inside from escaping.

The group inside was rather unusual as it consisted of Kitten, Atlas, Red X, Blackfire, Gizmo, Jinx, See-More, Trident, Mother Mae-Eye, and Bob the Newfu Guy.

"Attention, pitiful human fleshbags," Atlas boomed over the bank microphone. "We are the Confederacy of Real Archenemies and People, and we have come to your flimsy city bank to make a withdrawal." Atlas snickered at his own joke.

Red X grabbed the microphone away from him. "Hey wassappinin Jump City? I'm the X Factor here live from 1st National Jump Bank givin a shoutout to all the girls out there who've got a thing for bad boys. Need a real man to spice up your life? Then Red X is your prescription, and I come _entirely_ free…"

Jinx pouted in a corner as Kitten tried to console her. "How will I ever express my true love for her, Kitten? I mean, is it even natural for me to…feel like this for her?"

"Of course its natural! Don't you worry your pink pigtailed head! When she gets here, just find a nice, quiet part of the battlefield where you two can talk, or fight. Whichever you prefer."

Jinx pulled her knees up to her small chest. "Well, she fights like a boy, I like aggression in a girl. I guess we'll be fighting."

"Swell. Now if I can just find Robin in all of the commotion things'll be doubly peachy!"

All of the other villains were talking amongst themselves except for Blackfire. She was whispering into a small transceiver radio to a hidden starfleet parked above Earth.

"Yes. And when the fools begin to fight, I want you to initiate the countdown. No, don't worry, my love, nothing could possibly go wrong. Vaporize the city, I'll be well out of range by the time the cannon goes off…….I know you do. Goodbye."

Blackfire grinned and evil grin as she strolled across the bank to join the others. All was going according to plan.

444

The T-Car bounced on its shocks as Cyborg made a hard U-turn off of 87th and Broadway to screech to a halt in front of the 1st National Bank of Jump City. Cyborg was the first one out, and using his voice amplification technology, projected his voice toward the bank.

"YO! THE TEEN TITANS ARE HERE! GET ON OUT HERE SO WE CAN DEAL WITH YA!"

A police sergeant ran toward him, waving his hands. "No, no! We have control of the situation!" But it was too late.

A massive explosion from inside of the bank incinerated the entire Jump City Police Department but miraculously did nothing to the Titans except destroy the T-Car for the 23,453rd time. The Confederacy of Real Archenemies and People sprang into action, guns a'blazin' as the Teen Titans reeled in shock.

"My God! There's so many of them!" Robin screamed.

"DUDE!!" Beast Boy cried out.

And the battle began.

Starfire's eye beams burned through Bob's Newfu body like a white-hot knife through water, causing much screaming on Bob's part, although he was able to maintain a chipper smile throughout his agonizing death.

"Oh, well this unfortunate…" Those were his last words.

Robin whipped out his Bo staff as he combated Red X, Trident, See-More, and Gizmo all at once. His incredible spinning gyrations were too amazingly quick for the bad guys and ripped them all new ones within seconds. Soon, Robin was amassing a small pile of bodies at his feet.

Just then, Raven was struck by a blast of magic from Mother Mae-Eye that transformed her outfit into a sapphire dinner dress complete with a rose and matching silk gloves.

"Raven!" Robin screamed, diving into action. He somersaulted seventeen times to reach her just before she would have struck the ground. "Are you safe, my love?"

"Yes, now that I'm with you." The dark girl replied. "How were you able to move like that and save me?"

"Uh…I don't know! The power of love?" Robin grinned before he was tackled from behind by Kitten, who screamed 'Robby Poo!'.

"Robin!" Raven reached out for him but found herself suddenly being dragged by her feet toward a dark alleyway by Jinx.

"We need to talk, you and I." Jinx whispered, blushing.

Raven shrieked as she was pulled out of sight.

444

Starfire judo chopped her sister in the spine, dropping the girl to her knees. She was prepared to apprehend her devilish sibling until she saw Kitten leeching onto Robin's face like a giant, bloodsucking lamprey.

"Robin, I shall rescue you!" Starfire declared before flying to save the day.

444

Cyborg was struggling to battle Atlas. The two were locked, palms together, both fighting for domination.

"Puny robot, Atlas is bigger and badder! I'm high on the food chain!"

"Get out!" Cyborg yelled, head butting Atlas so hard that the giant machine's face caved in.

"Yeah! What what?" Cyborg dusted his hands off before chasing after Starfire to save Robin.

444

Kitten was making out with Robin so forcibly that it looked more like her mouth had become a vacuum cleaner that was trying o eat Robin's face off. Starfire flew in and tackled the pink dress wearing girl aside, causing Kitten to cough up a piece of fabric. Starfire recognized it as Robin's eyemask.

The Tameranean flew down and gathered the fallen boy in her arms. He was covering his eyes.

"Star…fire…" He whispered.

"Yes, Robin? What do you need?"

"I want to show you…my eyes…"

He moved the hand away. Starfire gasped in amazement. They were the most beautiful, dreamy, eternal, magnificent, unbelievable, oceanic, celestial, angelic eyes she had ever or would ever see for the rest of her life. But before she could enjoy looking deeply into them, the sound of her sister's cackling came from behind.

"_Hahaahahahaahahahahahaahahahahaha! He's here! Oh, you're in for it now sister DEAR!" _

Starfire turned, along with Cyborg who had just gotten there, and stared at the monstrous alien that had landed in the middle of the road. It was tall and very muscular, with dreadlocks and a fearsome war mask. It's armored body was decked out in powerful looking weaponry and it carried a spear in one hand.

"_Yeah…he's a real predator, isn't he? My love…" _Blackfire croaked.

Beast Boy, who up until this point had been still recovering from the explosion that kill the entire Jump City police force, sprang into action as a mountain goat and tackled the Predator from behind, catching it off-guard. It fell onto its spear, skewering itself, and dropped, dying, to the ground. Blackfire screamed in horror.

Beast Boy morphed back into a human. "Wow. Score!" He yelled, but nearly lost his balance as the ground began to shake and the sky turned blood red and a massive rock formation began rising from the bay. It was a volcano.

Lava and molten rocks began vomiting out of the mountain as Raven ran, screaming, from the alleyway with patches of her clothes missing as though they had been torn off. Jinx followed closely behind her.

Beast Boy felt a hand touch his shoulder and turned around. He nearly fainted at the sight of Terra. "Terra, you're alive!"

"Well, I wouldn't be here if I wasn't, Beast Boy." Terra smiled and gave him a hug for old time's sake. "But it looks like the reunion's gonna be short. Only I can stop that volcano." She began to hover away on a boulder.

"No! Wait! How did you come back? Terra! Don't leave again!" Beast Boy fell to his knees, sobbing.

Meanwhile, Atlas' chest plate exploded off of him and Arnold Swartzeneggar crawled out, dressed in full Vietnam jungle camo and equipped with an automatic machine gun. He was distracted from the dying Predator as an army-sized group of robotic ninjas began flooding the streets.

Robin leapt to his feet. "I'd know those soldiers anywhere…Slade!"

But it wasn't Slade that emerged from the ranks of cybernetic soldiers. It was tall man, with twin, silver horns, a two-tone mask, one glowing bionic eye and one flesh eye, a spiky, muscular, mechanical body, and slender legs. In the center of his chest was a pulsing black heart.

"_I am the fusion of the one called Slade and the summoner Blood! Merged together by the power of my demonic magnificence as seen through the flesh of my body! I am Brother Blade, and I shall rule this mortal realm!" _

Brother Blade threw back his grotesque head and laughed long and hard as the Titans looked on in horror, oblivious to the Predator, who was still alive, fidgeting with a device on its arm that began to beep repeatedly.

The Predator began to laugh in giggles like a small child that finally caught the attention of everybody present before a massive explosion destroyed the Predator and everybody around him was overcome by a blinding white light.

Just then, up above, thick beams of green laser fire began to bombard the city from the starfleet high above the planet. When the dust cleared, Jump City was gone, and the Teen Titans were nowhere to be seen.

authors note: Cliffhanger! Ooh, im really mean huh. tune in next week for the esciting chapter 2! and be sure to review!! i live off of those things!

Fin.


	2. Super random cliches, and Borgnine?

thelordofyomomma928 writes: wah!! i only got 7 reveiws?? and what r you people talking abiujt, my sotry's not suppoed to be funny! It's a serious adventure/drama/mystery/romance/horror/sci-fi, if that's too new-age for you than don't read!!1

_(Rising writes: Thank you for the kind words, reviewers. This next chapter wouldn't exist without you. Perhaps the first and only sequel to SOUF. I don't feel as strongly about this entry as the last, though. It's hard to top yourself sometimes.) _

twice the cliché, quadruple the random

Robin woke up first. He lifted his aching body slowly for ten minutes, not wanting to aggravate any muscles. But eventually he got bored with drawing out the tension and just got up, prompting a painful scream.

"Aaaaaauugh!.!.!"

"Wow, will you quit milking the drama?" Said a sexy voice.

Robin's heart stopped, only not really. He suddenly realized that nothing was as it seemed and that he was in the presence of destiny. He turned, brow tightening in anticipation…and he saw:

She was the most unbelieveablygorgeoussexycurvaceouslustrousstunningbeautifulrosyhot young woman to ever push the limit of how attractive a teenager could be. Her hair was blonde, but then the sun hit it differently and it looked auburn, and then black, and then red.

Finally, overcome with hormonal sex fever, Robin lost consciousness.

444

"Wake up my darling cupcake…"

Robin bolted upright with a start. He was back in the tower. The Tower! The city wasn't destroyed?!

He bolted to the massive windows in the living room, tearing off a full body cast he hadn't even realized he was wearing.

"The city…she's still there!" He exclaimed.

"Well, first off, a city has no sexual orientation." A familiar sensual voice replied. "Good to see that you're feeling better. I'm Penny, by the way. Penny Dreadful, I saved your city."

Robin knew he should be skeptical of this extremely unusual situation, but Penny was so sexy that it didn't really matter. "I believe you, but where are the others?"

"We're over here." Said the monotonous Raven, smiling from the couch behind Robin. "I thought you were lost, my love."

Robin felt a strange wooziness. "Love? What are you talking about?"

Raven's pretty but not as sexy as Penny eyebrows drew inward. "Robin…don't you remember yesterday? Hallway? Destiny? Animalistic rituals?"

Robin went into deep contemplation for fifteen seconds. "Oh. Yesterday. Well that was then, and this is now. Today's Thursday, so that means I love random sexy supergirls, tough luck Rae."

Raven went pale…paler than usual…which was REALLY pale. Her world slowed, and then began to grind, like gears needing oil in a machine. Her left eye twitched. She dropped her copy of William Shakespeare's _Othello _and said: "My heart has been broken for the 687,544,098th time...why do I go on taking this abuse?"

She threw her hands up to the ceiling. "Why do you hate me, God?!" But then she stopped, "Well, I guess I _am _half demonic. So be it, you win this round, but I'll get back at you one day, I AM GOING TO FAIL AT CUTTING MY WRISTS NOW! I WILL BE WEAK AND EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE IN THE BATHROOM!!"

She flew off with a flash of blue fabric.

Reverie looked at Robin with eyes that could melt a heart of steel.

"giggle What's her deal?"

"I don't know, just couldn't handle losing a man like me."

They laughed obnoxiously together in the living room for half an hour.

Meanwhile, an angst-filled, gothic, poetic vampire wandered in through the kitchen window. "I sense…a flower so dark, so fair…She calls to me, and I must answer…To the lavatory! I am coming Raven!"

444

"Worst. Bank robbery. EVER." Control Freak muttered as he massaged his greasy, chicken wing filled stomach.

"Shut it ya stinky fudgemonkey!" Gizmo barked as he busily worked at reconstructing his damaged spider-walker legs. "I need Pennzoil!"

"Atlas drank the last of it!" Trident muttered from a corner. There was a cheap plastic sign hung above the nearest wall that read:

"THIS IS TRIDENT'S CORNER. THOSE WHO ENTER WILL BE _**CONQUERED!!**_"

"_How could he drink the Pennzoil, he's dead!"_

"I don't know you _deformed_ **midget!** Be silent! Trident is _thinking!_"

"Urp…(excuse me), uh, thinkin' about what? You know, you an awful lot like the _Creature from the Black Lagoon_…can I get your autograph??"

"Surrender yourself to be my servant and I shall consider it!"

"Um, no?"

"_Seriously fatso, you're not even a part of this team. Get out." _Red X spat from his bedroom beauty corner. He adjusted his mask in the mirror.

"Nobody's talking to you, Prima donna!"

"_Augh! My superiority complex! You!" _Red X bitterly stammered through tears.

_You…always!...Have to take everything…too far! Fine, I won't be coming out for dinner later, you can eat all of it yourself, TUBBY!!"_

Red X slammed the door to his room, and the sounds of sobbing soon leaked out.

Control Freak leaned back in his leather armchair. "Whoo hoo! I really burned him, am I 1337 or what?!"

Nobody had a chance to answer him though, because the warehouse doors burst open with a great crash, a flash of crimson and black wings, and a great whooshing like a vacuum that sucked Control Freak outside.

"_Holy He-Man! You look like the bastard child of Darth Vader, Skeletor, and the Terminator! Can I get your autograph?" _

"_**It is I and Us, we are Brother Blade! Our omniscient metaphysical existence on this astral plane is dwindling and We require nourishment to continue! You! You are large and fleshy and shall provide Us with needed sustenance!" **_

"_Wha?—I—AAAUGH!! The TEETH, OH SWEET AKIRA TORIAMA, the BITING and the PAIN, AAaaaAAAAAaGHGGH…gurgle"_

"_**You are serving the greater necessity, human! Your blood shall be mine and ours, your bones shall be the gates of perdition and fornicate! GehahahahaahaHAAAHA!"**_

The warehouse doors closed quietly and peacefully, leaving the Confederacy of Real Archenemies and People in calm silence.

Red X's door remained shut tight. No sound came from within.

Trident: "……"

…

…

Gizmo jumped to his feet. _"What the __**eff**__ just happened?!"_

444

Cyborg lobbed the volleyball at Beast Boy, who changed into a howler monkey before countering the flying ball with a mule kick. Starfire was busily pumping one-thousand tons of iron in bench press while repeating the mantra of her life.

"_I have a fanbase…too! I have…a fanbase too!"_

"So tell me some things about yourself, Penny." Robin smiled as he circled the Tower's island with the scandalously armored super-babe.

"Penny? Did I tell you that was my name?"

"Uh, yeah…isn't it your name?"

"Nah, my real name is Dues E. Machina, but anyway…well, where to start? I can never get STDs, I have a 6.0 GPA, I'm fluent in German, Italian, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Korean, Polish, Celtic, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, and of course the English languages,"

"Languag_es?_"

"Oh yeah, Shakespeare and all that you know. Anyway, I'm also tolerant of all seafood, have seventy gold medals in every global sport, discovered cold fusion, secretly know the cure for cancer, my blood can cure HIV, and my spit can make the blind see."

"Wow, that's quite a track record."

"I'm also a triple black belt, have mastered all forms of combat, and can go up to two-hundred thirty feet in the triple jump, I know if the truth about God, aliens, life, death, and Tom Cruise. My hobbies include doing amateur detective work, healing the lame, raising the dead, and being sexy."

"What was the last one?"

"My colon produces natural gas that could be used as fuel for hybrid cars?"

Robin was starting to feel strange, like this was all too unbelievable to be real for anyone, even a heavenly, drop-dead, heart-melting, star-stunning girl like Dues.

"I don't know if that's possible, even for you, Dues."

Dues gave him a strange smile before pulling him close by his collar. "Of course it's possible, Robin. It's possible because I say so."

"What?"

Dues quickly pulled her hair away from her forehead, revealing a menacing third eye. Colorful rainbow lights fired out from her optic into Robin's brain. Seconds later, Robin had completely forgotten everything that had happened in the last minute.

"Huh? What just happened?"

"Am I sexy, Robin?" Dues asked, innocently.

"Oh, yes, _veeeeerrrrrrryyyy_……" Robin slobbered, zombie that he was. "Your name is Dues, isn't it?"

"No, no, silly. My name is Plot. Plot Vice. Middle name is Dee."

"Ohhh kayyyy…"

Plot lead Robin off on another lap around the island as the sound of Raven and a certain vampire having relations echoed across the bay…

THE END

444

"The end." Says Ernest Borgnine with a grin.

"Wow, that story was crap, grampa." A small boy with a healthy mop of red hair whines. "All I learned was that thelordofyomomma928 really likes to abuse people with bad stories."

"Then you've learned the most important lesson of all."

"What do you mean, grandpa? This story isn't real."

"Oh, but it is. You see, Jason, thelordofyomomma928 is in all of us, like Satan or bad intestinal gas. Some would say all of those things are the same, but that's beside the point."

"Then what is the point, grandpa?"

"The point is, Jason, we're all capable of terrible crap like thelordofyomomma928, but most of us have the good sense to recognize when we aren't good writers and keep our dabbling to ourselves where it won't do as much damage."

"Yeah…yeah, that's right I guess."

"But, Jason, the story I told you is true. And it has been told thousands, perhaps tens of thousands of times in real writing, using different names, and different subject matter!"

"No…No!"

"Yes, Jason! That is the truth! Now run! Run to your bed and promise never to write and put crap online, even at gunpoint!"

Jason screams and runs to his bedroom.

Ernest Borgnine adjusts his sweater-vest and chuckles merrily, looks carefully at the camera, and gives the audience a cheerful wink.

"Good night, folks…"

Fin.


End file.
